My Beautiful Film Obsession and Ultimate Enlightment

“I know I’m not Dionne but I’m at least Cher.” Chatting with my friends I brought up which character I thought I would be in the timeless classic Clueless. I honestly thought I was a Cher who just needed a bit of a wardrobe update. Simultaneous “Da fuq?” looks were their responses (I swear my friends really do love me). I wasn’t Cher they agreed, I was Tai.

(Stylin & profilin...oy...)

Tai? No way. I’m clever, and pretty, and have an individualized sense of style, and oh my God they were right. I was Tai Frasier. Babe potential but seriously in need of some polishing? So adorably clueless? Ugh. There went my dreams of a digitized closet… Clearly Clueless alone wasn’t going to be enough to give me perspective on this one. I needed to aggregate more data. I needed more movies. Lots of people listen to specific songs whenever they have to ruminate over a problem. Me? I find the films that most closely resemble my dilemma and make a marathon day of it. I style and plan my life like a director of photography arranging the perfect shot. For years I never let toothpaste foam out around my mouth because that’s not how they brush their teeth in the movies. I check myself out as I walk past reflective surfaces to make sure I’m capturing the optimal stride: confident and nonchalant, slinky and sexy, fun and feminine. I scrubbed the bathroom floor by hand as a kid because that’s how Cinderella did it (clearly this is an ongoing thing).

(Why did I feel the need to do this in the bathroom of all places?)

Of course, I had to pull out my favorite makeover movies. The Devil Wears Prada, She’s All That, Funny Face, Sabrina (the 1954 version with Audrey Hepburn), and absolutely a Clueless rewatch. I was a TV Trope (I’m obsessed with TVTropes.org it's a Wikipedia-level rabbit hole of movie facts). The Hollywood Homely girl in need of The Makeover even though she was Beautiful All Along with a side of The Glasses Gotta Go.

(Said glasses. Bifocals y'all.)

I wasn’t just Tai I was Laney Briggs, Mia Thermopolis, Jo Stockton, Sabrina Fairchild. I needed to escape to a Paris culinary school and find the rich baron to help me become worldly and sophisticated and dress me in Givenchy. Being the budget baller that I am that wasn’t really looking like an option (Unless someone wants to sponsor me...seriously asking). So no getting Sabrina’d. I’d have to pull an Andy Sachs: pool my closest resources and do a bit of borrowing to give myself a Runway worthy makeover.

(The entrance I need to make, hair toss included.)

My movie-obsessed mind already had me choosing my outfits like a costume designer, I was just dressing the wrong character. Once I figured that out the rest was easy. Mostly. I still find myself at a loss when it comes to dressing for a night out. I had to make sure I had stuff to wear to my most often corporate day jobs so I’m don’t have a lot of head-turning party clothes (if y’all have suggestions I’ll definitely take them). In the meantime I’ll keep watching movies...I mean doing research. What’s your favorite way to get perspective on problems? What type of movie fits your life best? Love, The EGOTist